How to Talk to a Friend Who Mentions Suicide 

Hearing a friend mention suicide is deeply unsettling and can leave you feeling unsure of what to say or do. As a mental health professional, I want to provide you with some guidance on how to navigate these difficult conversations. Your response could be crucial in getting your friend the help they need, and there are important steps to take—and avoid—when someone opens up about suicidal thoughts.

Do’s:

  1. Take Them Seriously
    If your friend mentions suicide, always take it seriously, even if they frame it as a joke or say it in passing. Statements like, “I can’t go on” or “I wish I were dead” are warning signs. Respond with concern, and don’t minimize their pain.
  2. Listen Without Judgment
    Create a safe space for them to share their feelings. Let them talk, and avoid interrupting. Say things like, “I’m here for you” or “It sounds like you’re going through a lot.” Listening attentively shows them that their feelings are valid and that they are not alone.
  3. Express Concern and Care
    Be direct but gentle in your concern. You could say something like, “I’m really worried about you. You don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here to help.” Showing that you genuinely care about their well-being can make a huge difference.
  4. Ask Directly About Suicide
    It’s okay—and important—to ask, “Are you thinking about suicide?” This may feel uncomfortable, but research shows that asking about suicidal thoughts does not increase the risk. In fact, it can open up an honest conversation and provide a chance for intervention.
  5. Encourage Professional Help
    Gently suggest they seek help from a mental health professional. You can offer to help them find a therapist or even go with them to their first appointment. If they are in immediate danger, call 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or take them to the nearest emergency room.
  6. Offer Immediate Resources
    Let your friend know that there are resources available. Provide them with the 988 Lifeline (dial 988 or visit 988lifeline.org), which offers free and confidential support 24/7. Encourage them to use this resource anytime they feel overwhelmed or unsafe.

Don’ts:

  1. Don’t Minimize Their Feelings
    Avoid saying things like, “It’s not that bad” or “You’ll get over it.” These kinds of statements can make your friend feel dismissed and isolated. Their feelings are real and need to be acknowledged, even if you don’t fully understand what they’re going through.
  2. Don’t Offer Quick Fixes
    Telling them to “just think positive” or “try harder” is not helpful. Mental health struggles, especially when it involves thoughts of suicide, are complex and require professional intervention. Focus on listening and providing support rather than trying to solve their problems on the spot.
  3. Don’t Promise to Keep It a Secret
    While your friend may ask you to keep their suicidal thoughts a secret, it’s important to be honest and let them know that you can’t do that if they’re at risk. You might say, “I care too much about you to stay quiet if you’re in danger, but we can find help together.”
  4. Don’t Leave Them Alone in Crisis
    If they are in immediate danger, do not leave them alone. Stay with them and reach out to emergency services by calling 911 or the 988 Lifeline. If you’re unable to be with them physically, make sure they’re in a safe space with someone who can support them.
  5. Don’t Assume Someone Else Will Help
    It’s easy to think that someone else in their life will step in, but it’s important to take responsibility if you’re the one they’ve confided in. Your support may be the crucial step that leads them to seek professional help.

Conclusion

Talking to a friend who mentions suicide is an incredibly serious and sensitive situation. Your role is not to solve all their problems but to listen, express concern, and guide them toward professional help. Don’t be afraid to ask directly about suicide and use the resources available, such as the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, which provides immediate support.

If you or someone you know is struggling, remember that help is always available—whether through friends, family, or professional resources. A single conversation can be life-saving.

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